A Collection of Essays

moving on…

Dear Reader,

It is time we switch gears a bit today. To move beyond details of the story to a space where growth and wisdom happen.

This did not come easy– it came from a lot of heartache. And in many ways, there is still some here – for those who read my Facebook post today about “gaslighting” I see that was not helpful. That is not the way to handle these matters. I knew better BUT sometimes slapping people with a backhanded Facebook post feels easier than actually slapping people. Clearly, still have some work to do.

I think one of the hardest things to accept about stories like Jane and Mark is that they happen. I think we have a hard time reconciling that church leaders are not always safe or healthy people.  

We assume that when we walk into the doors of a church the leaders are healthy, the people are healthy, and I am going to be safe here. And truth is – IT should be that way

But sometimes it is not.

Sometimes a church is dysfunctional – its broken.

Not all church leaders are healthy.

And the moment we assume this is NOT true is the moment we get ourselves into hot water.

Please do NOT misunderstand me, there are a lot of excellent churches out there. Great churches with great leaders. Not perfect leaders BUT leaders who create a space where people find Jesus and are forever changed.

They do exist but not all churches are one in the same.

And we need to be wise to this. Or more and more we will find ourselves smack dab in the middle of an unhealthy churches asking yourself….


This was what got me in hot water.

This is what spiraled me into the WORST self-doubting season of my life.

And that is why I am sharing these stories with you – not to discredit or make any leader out to be a villain. But because I want you to be wise – wiser than me to these things.

Because the more we are wiser to these things the less these things happen.

Think about it – if I can accept that not all churches are healthy and if I can be on the look out for it, I won’t stay very long in it.

I won’t tarry on trying to reconcile what is happening – I will just move on.

I will find a new church.

Chop this up to the kissing a few bad frogs adage. Sometimes you just got to kiss a couple of bad churches until you find a prince. And the fact that we think we should not have to do this is not a wrong thought – it is just not reality.

And the sooner we accept the reality that not all churches are one in the same is the moment we stop having stories like Mark and Jane.

The Marks and Janes of the world won’t exist if the people do not tarry long underneath their leadership. We will just dust our feet off and move on – as we should!  

Frankly, that was all I needed to do. I did not need to stay and prove myself. I did not need to try and get my leaders to see my value – I just needed to move on.

I needed to see that the church was unhealthy and walk my happy little butt OUT the door.

Life would have been FAR less complicated if I had.

But then again, I would not be writing to you and maybe that is what all this was for.

Well friends that is all for now…

Until we chat again,


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