“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” – Ephesians 3:20
I told you last week that I want to be consistent in my writing. I woke up this morning and did not want to write.
In fact, I feel very discouraged today.
My mind is filled with the “I can’ts”. I recognize that is not a word BUT it is the only accurate way to describe what is going on. I have every excuse in my mind why I can’t write.
I cannot write, I don’t feel like it.
What is the point no one is reading?
You are not qualified; you don’t have your degree.
You have done this before and failed – why try again?
AND the list goes on and on.
I also recently discovered that I was unfriended by quite a few people over the last few months – while I do not know all the reasons, I can certainly fill in some gaps – my writing has rubbed some people the wrong way.
And if I am honest – that makes me want to stop too. It is hard to put yourself out there, share your story and have people outrightly reject it to the point that they unfriend you.
It stings and validates why I hesitated for so long to share.
BUT instead of getting stuck here – I had my husband pray over me this morning. I needed a fresh perspective and to place my hope back where it belongs: in Jesus.
Last night I also read a post from a friend on Facebook – she wrote about dreams God placed on her heart long ago that just seemed to come to halt. She shared material of the group she had conducted years prior and the words of Ephesians 3:20 were splashed upon on the front cover.
I edify so much with her. I have felt over the years that my dreams have just come to some strange halt for one reason or another.
Sometimes it was me walking away from things that no longer served God’s purpose for my life. Sometimes it was doors shutting so violently before me that there was no opportunity to shove them open.
BECAUSE listen, if I could – I would have shoved them open but I thank God He does not allow that.
I also had a dramatic decline in readers – it was like the moment I stopped talking about all the details of what happened in our previous church, people stopped reading.
Maybe they were just spying on the material? Or maybe they stopped liking what I had to say?
Whatever the reason, though, I have come face to face with a very important impasse – is this about me or is this about God?
If I am honest – I want this to be about me. I want you, the reader, to think I am wise and smart and eloquent with my words.
I want the readers to come in droves and I want my blog to reach places far and wide.
I realize, perhaps, that is not what you expected me to write but I have committed to being honest with you no matter how ugly or misguided the words may be.
AND the truth is unless I am honest; nothing changes.
I see that if I am going to do this thing right it cannot be about me. It has to be about God.
“He must become greater; I must become less.” – John 3:30
And what makes this so hard is that it is so counterculture. WE LOVE THE LIMELIGHT!
We eat up messages that teach us how to be great. WE value and idolize people who have “made it”. We spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to the learn the fine art of “being someone.”
AND I get it. It is so easy. It is why I CARE about how many people are reading and who is unfriending me.
It takes a real concerted effort on my part to NOT do these things.
BUT if I am going to do this thing – this writing, blogging, maybe even speaking one day; I have got to get real with a few things.
This is not about me.
This not about you.
This is about HIM.
It is about God’s glory. And the moment I try to capture that glory for myself is the moment I fail.
I am not great – in fact, I am far from that. This week I failed my marriage in a BIG way. While I do not plan to tell you the details just know if I were to get hung up on ME – I would not be writing.
I started this message with Ephesians 3:20 because over the years it has meant so much to me. Reflecting on it, perhaps I liked it so because somehow it gave me the sense that God would make me immeasurably more. I see, now, that is not what He is saying.
In fact, the key to this verse lies within Ephesians 3:17b-18.
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God.”
This is where the immeasurable more lies: in God’s love for us. When we understand that the God who created all things loves us more than our minds can even comprehend the limelight becomes dim. We no longer need the readers. We no longer want praise. We just want to share that love with others.
So, as I leave you today, I want you to know that you are loved deeply and powerfully by God.
And in a world that tells you until you make it you do not matter – stop listening. Because no ounce of fame, achievement or greatness will ever fill us like the love of God will.
May we grasp the immeasurably more.
Until next time,